Life as it is now

OK. I have come to understand if only a little better how I have slowly been changing over these past few years the trials and triumphs I have been through. Two years ago I was a sad lonely girl very much depressed and I had a bleak outlook on life. I know that it seems that EVERY teen is saying this but I know I really had some issues to deal with..... That is all the time I have for today but I will continue this later. 


So It's later now... LOL I don't know why but I feel very protective of this blog... Keh mebbie that's 'cause it's "private" Psh Ok I KNOW blogs aren't private but if feels like it is! (yep I'm just a little more than tired  and I had coffee ya...) So ANYways I was molested as a child and at the time I did not realize how much it affected me ( brain protecting me?), until I was starting to notice how I would no longer interact with others as I should, well I was trying to reach out to keep myself "afloat" but I really had no one else to help me deal with this (friend wise). Do NOT MISUNDERSTAND I told my parents they told me how it was not my fault that people are screwed up and NO ONE should have to deal with that, Still I was overwhelmed  and I think that they we're trying to figure out how to deal with it. I am not sure, nevertheless I got really depressed I began to despair at life and felt as if I was not worth ANYTHING, It would just be easier to die and go to God and not have to deal with this anymore! Really depressing stuff . I wanted a Best Friend (still looking) more than anything! I would cry for that person, tell my mom how badly I wanted someone to just understand and accept me as the sarcastic,cynical, and scared person (be able to knock down the fortress I had enclosed myself in) I am and LOVE me despite all the crap I was grappling with (sometimes I still am). Then I found my answer: GOD! It was ONLY through him I forgave the abuser was able to move past that and get on with life. How liberating! I cannot even begin to describe how I felt after I laid my burden down (guilt,shame,hatred, malice,ect) was taken care of! Sure there were days that were more than a little hard, but I refused to give up I had to push on, keep fighting, and I Will Conquer and Prevail!

Oh Mr. Jordan just gave a sermon this past sunday and it outlines how I got through this...
Ok I can' remeber exsactly wich one it was but here is the link to the site

shorewoodbiblechurch.org
It's either the second to last one or the last one  *translation= the two most recent dates

I am starting work tomorrow to I should get off to bed.... Knight ;)